I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
