Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
