just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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