We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
