when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
