I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
