So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
