The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
