when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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