If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
