Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
