who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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