The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
