I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
