HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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