Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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