When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
