I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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