just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
