Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
lets start a swedish sibling band together
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
