I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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