Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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