If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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