i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
