How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
