if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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