If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
