This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
