You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
