i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
