I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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