Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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