WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
