By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
