you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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