nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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