What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
