turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
