She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
