i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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