I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
