You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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