So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
