I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
