she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
