So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
two words...techno handjob
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
