i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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