So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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