You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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