Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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