i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just cropdusted the office
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
